Harry Pothead and the Stoned Sorcerer
by Andy Hoyt
Summary: This is a parody of the first bookmovie of Harry Potter.
1. Cast of Characters

Harry Pothead and the Stoned Sorcerer  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters.  
  
Chapter 1: Description  
  
This is a Cast of Characters list:  
  
Harry Pothead- the Boy-Who-Just-Wont-Die  
  
Ron Weasel- the sidekick/ comic relief  
  
Hermione Granger- the bookworm know-it-all  
  
Draco Malfoy- the self-obsessed one  
  
Doublesnore- the 152-year-old headmaster  
  
Professor McGonagall- catwoman  
  
Professor Snape- the Marilyn Manson music video reject  
  
Lord Voldiemort- the ugly head  
  
Professor Quirrell- the guy who needs phonics  
  
Now that you know that continue with the story! 


	2. The Boy Who Just Won't Die

Harry Pothead and the Stoned Sorcerer  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything.  
  
Chapter 2: The Boy Who Just Won't Die  
  
It was a star filled night where anything could happen and it usually did. An old man wearing a blue robe strode onto Privet Drive. He pulled out a lighter and sucked the light out of the street lamps. "NOOOOOOOO!" the lights screamed as they became sucked into the lighter. Then the old man saw a cat peeing in someone's yard.  
  
"Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall," the old man said to the cat. The cat didn't respond it just stared at the old man as if he was crazy.  
  
"Over here, Albus!" came the voice of an older woman. The old man turned around and saw a woman wearing green robes.  
  
"Are you sure this is a good idea? I've been watching them all day. They're the worst sort of Muggles!" McGonagall said.  
  
"They're the only family he has and it is best that he lives here. Away from all this," Doublesnore said. "Care for a lemon drop?"  
  
"A what?" McGonagall asked.  
  
"A lemon drop. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of," Doublesnore said.  
  
"Er no thanks," McGonagall replied thinking that this wasn't the moment for lemon drops. "How is the boy getting here?"  
  
"Hagrid's bringing him," Doublesnore said.  
  
"You think it wise to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?" Professor McGonagall wanted to know.  
  
"I would trust Hagrid with my life," Doublesnore said. Suddenly a flying motorcycle flew through the sky and landed inches from them. Hagrid jumped off the motorcycle carrying little Harry.  
  
"Little Harry fell off while we were flying over Bristol. Blimy, that little bugger is slippery. No wonder You-Know-Well-Who couldn't kill 'im," Hagrid said handing them Harry. Doublesnore took little Harry in his arms. Hagrid began to cry when Doublesnore placed Harry on the welcome mat on the Dursley's front door.  
  
"Get a grip, man!" Doublesnore said.  
  
"S-sorry Professor," Hagrid said.  
  
The next morning screams can be heard:  
  
"Petunia! There's a ruddy kid on the welcome mat!"  
  
(A/N: Did you like it? Review! Even if you have nothing to say REVIEW!) 


	3. The Vanishing Glass

Harry Pothead and the Stoned Sorcerer  
  
Chapter 2: The Vanishing Glass  
  
Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursleys had woken up to find young Harry on their doorstep, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all. It was Dudley's birthday. Dudley was Harry's cousin that weighed exactly one ton and closely resembled a pig. Dudley jumped up and down the stairs causing wood dust to fall on Harry who lived under the cupboard. "Get up!" Dudley yelled.  
  
"Look it's raining dust!" Harry exclaimed as dust fell around him. He got out of the cupboard only to be shoved back in again by Dudley. When Harry had reached the kitchen Dudley was asking about how many presents he had.  
  
"Thirty six and a half counted 'em myself," Uncle Vernon said. Dudley's face fell.  
  
"Thirty six and a half! That's one.. Two. that's two less than last year!" Dudley yelled.  
  
"Er.. We'll by you two more while we're out how's that popkin?" Aunt Petunia said quickly.  
  
"So that would make.. One.. Three. five.."  
  
"Thirty eight," Aunt Petunia said getting their coats. After breakfast they went to the zoo. Harry saw a huge snake.  
  
"I hate my cousin Dudley!" Harry exclaimed.  
  
"I know what you mean, Harry," the snake said.  
  
"Did you just talk?" Harry asked.  
  
"No I did a back flip. Now listen to me Harry, you must set me free," the snake said.  
  
"Why should I listen to you?" Harry asked.  
  
"Because I'm a talking snake! Now set me free!" the snake yelled. Suddenly Dudley ran over pushing Harry aside.  
  
"Looky at the snakie!" Dudley yelled. Suddenly the glass vanished and Dudley fell through. The snake escaped making random people scream. Then the glass returned and Dudley was trapped in the case. Later when they were home Uncle Vernon yelled at Harry and punished him to stay in the cupboard with no meals.  
  
(A/N: Poor Harry. What are you waiting for REVIEW!) 


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